Mercury Retrograde Blues

I can feel myself being discouraged—getting into that mental headspace where I doubt the things that I make or myself as an artist, questioning my skills, abilities, and ideas.

I know that this isn’t true though. I know this because I’ve done work in the past and realistically, there is always someone who will like your art. I think of all of the artists that I see and admire, from doodles and sketches to intricate pen and ink work and stunning, colorful digital art. The world of art is vast and I’m working on connecting myself to my art as work. I want to work toward putting things together, more books, illustrating the book for Lizzy, and finding ways to stay connected to the outside world and my community.

I have some ideas today and I’m feeling more inspired. I keep feeling this doubting nag though—this weight, that I could spend time making beautiful things and promoting them and that no one will like them. I’m surprised at myself because I didn’t feel this negativity before I launched the shop. So where is this doubt coming from?

I’m recognizing that I do a good job kicking off goals—like I’m a good starter of projects and ideas. I struggle when it comes to persistence and diligence. Doing a thing consistently, even when I have freedom within it, even when I can change it up, I will find a way to struggle.

The only way that I can wrap my head around it is a form of self-sabotage. It has to be. I wonder if I’m scared of success or if I’m scared of doing well. I don’t want to be and there’s nothing to do but to push through it. I feel excited about the ideas that I got after reflecting on new moon energy. I have ideas. I have supplies, and I know that I have the skills and the eye.

Here we go—pushing through this feeling and forcing myself to inhale consistent belief in myself.